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Drowning by Becca Usher, Lincoln College

February 2022

Drowning. It is like mental illness the only way to describe it is like trying to swim and no matter how much you try never getting to the surface. Since I was young, I have loved swimming and that means I know that I could always swim in any emergency, that is always something I am proud of but even still swimming does not save me as I drown. I get dragged so deep into that there is no way of getting out. So, you give up, you let that dark blue deep salt water consume your entire being until eventually all you can see is darkness.

The sad truth about it is that when you are at sea you have hope that you can get out and live your life after, but with mental illness even if you get out and see the bright light at the end of the dark tunnel, you never truly escape it. That darkness stays deep in your soul until evenly you lose sight of yourself and what you were looking for to begin with, that is the saddest part of all.

Sometimes being in the water is not even that bad. Sometimes we can float on the surface, and it can be the most beautiful and peaceful place of all but with the calm comes the storm and the clouds turn as grey and dark as night even so there is no light to cling to. The water becomes ruff and rapid in its movements and back under you are to repeat your inner torment.

Drowning. Sometimes you don't even know you are in the water until you are neck deep in it. You do not even know you are being eaten whole till you are too deep to get out. People around do not know, or they do not want to see just how deep the water is so they just keep going on but, in the end, it does not matter, as you are still drowning! It does matter what you do as your lungs are still filling with water and you still cannot breathe...