You are Stars not problems

By Grace Dooley, The Manchester College

‘Living in your own mind it’s so exhausting spacing out staring into thin air looking around at your surroundings looking for trouble feeling dumb or stupid being silly all the time disappointed but not surprised of the way the teachers treat you what they think of you looking around looking for something else to do as you lost interest in what you was just doing so you rather just prefer to mess around then keep still instead don’t do your work because it’s too confusing you needing a better understanding but can’t keep still can’t stop fidgeting distracted most of the time and legs constantly shaking playing with your hands or tapping your pen on the table to loud can’t manage to stop tapping talking all the time annoying people but not meaning to but you know we are all more than just hyperactive people we are far from happy all the time and every day is a constant battle of the mind and battle with the self that won’t ever end we just have to be brave and be strong trying to get through the day knowing that you have to do it all again tomorrow the brain being faster than the body and even the pills don’t take away the pain and the trauma you went through in school I know it was hard really hard but you made it through and so did I and I’m so proud of you we all may make it look like it’s fun but trust me it’s really not but nothing makes sense confused about what you need to do next wanting it all to stop because it’s all just too intense wishing you could be someone else but also not being able to love who you are because of what they said no matter how hard you try it’s never enough not being able to fit in anywhere and have no time for people body feeling burnt out like someone has just taken your battery’s out not feeling like yourself in your own body so stay in bed body shuts down limbs feeling weak used up all your strength u have left in your body so body stops moving and mind starts racing fast and faster paralysis frozen in time days go by clock keeps ticking trying to catch up with time but your too slow at doing things hands shaking and hearts tired screaming to just get out of your own mind but no one can hear what going on in the head so you rather just suffer in silence alone deal with the meltdowns alone not being able to breath panicking with nothing but fear and all you want to do is just cry not being able to breath walking away from situations when it gets all too much hands sweating feeling so angry with the world always been misunderstood use to argue back be rude and disrespectful but that’s what they made me believe I was and who you was or even who you still are but you are none of those things but so much more not excuses but ways to escape scared that no one will ever understand you scared to ask for help afraid of yourself like everyone else around you is hurting your loved ones anger talking control as you look down at your fists fire bubbling in your veins and if I gave you a day being me being in my brain you would be on the floor screaming at me yelling at me to just let you out …’